"Unplanned does not mean unwanted or unloved. It just means life knew what I needed before even I did." - Author Unknown
Everything started off so simple until this day. From a young age I had always been set on one goal, academic success. Being a high achiever at school, I had always aimed for that ultimate holy grail, obtaining a PhD. The plan was made, the goal was set and the wheels of academia set into motion. I'd been accepted for a masters degree at Imperial College London, studying at the Natural History Museum . It didn't get much better than that in my eyes. A top institution, studying paleobiology and learning how to become a world class researcher. Nothing could disrupt me on my path of success. Or so I thought, and that's when everything changed.
It had been a few months of not feeling quite right, I was exhausted every day, all day. The long commute into South Kensington was draining and I could barely stomach the nauseating tube ride that seemed to throw in some extra twists and turns just for me. However, it was approaching the dreaded exam season, I had been working flat out on assignments, extra projects and revision to ensure I received the best results possible come January. Surely I was just run down, as was normal for me around exam season. Exams passed, the pressure eased up, and yet I still didn't feel any better. I spent days just laying on the couch, trying to rest but never feeling any brighter. My partner started to question whether there was something more sinister at play, and suggested I go to see a doctor to get some antibiotics, that would hopefully kick start my healing. He also suggested we did a home pregnancy test. Just to rule it out of course. There was no way I could be pregnant, I was on birth control, had taken it religiously, and surely I would know if something as momentous as pregnancy was occurring within my own body. So I took the test one afternoon, not thinking anything of it. My partner was happily playing Xbox in the lounge, both of us completely oblivious to what was about to occur. I watched as the colour on the test rose higher and higher, slowly creeping towards the point that would reveal my fate. Then it appeared. Faster than the suggested waiting time, that second line sprung out of nowhere. I was pregnant. In that moment I felt my stomach drop. No, this couldn't be happening. Not now. Sure we had spoken about having a family one day, but that was once I had completed my PhD, once we had been married for a few years and travelled to more countries. Sickness overcame me as I realised I now had to tell my partner that our world was about to be turned upside down. We weren't ready for this. He reacted in the same manner as I had. Complete shock and disbelief. I will always remember that afternoon where we both just lay crying in bed, at a loss of what to do. Stuck between two choices.
The decision we made in the weeks that followed wasn't easy. We even made an appointment at the local clinic to discuss our options and figure out what we truly wanted to do. Looking back it was clear what we wanted, those days waiting for the appointment were filled with tears and sadness. Both of us knew if we made the choice not to continue the pregnancy it would be something that would haunt us for the rest of our lives, especially when the basis for such a decision was fear of the unknown. A tiny little heart flickered away on the screen, the sonographer told us we were approximately 10 weeks pregnant and told us all of the various options for if we wanted to terminate the pregnancy. But the words fell on deaf ears, all I could see was that tiny flickering. The warmth that it sent flooding through my body and the sudden urge to protect it at all costs. Looking at my partner I knew he felt the same, and that was that. We were going to have a baby. We weren't sure how we would manage, let alone tell family or how the future we had planned would turn out. All we knew was that we were a family now, the tiny life growing inside of me was made from the love we had for each other, and that somehow we would make it all work out..
Part Two Coming Soon.