So the day has come at last. We had already known for two weeks that we were to be induced on the 12th August. The morning came, we completed the last checks on the hospital bag to make sure we had everything, not knowing how long we would be admitted for. Most importantly I did the final check on the car seat. Once that was done all that was left to do was wait... with an induction you don’t get given a specific time, you just get told to wait for a phone call telling you a bed has become available. The checks were all done, the cats had been fed, the horse had been mucked out, we were both as mentally prepared as we could be. Now came the challenging part, the being stuck in limbo the awaiting for that call, not being able to do something to distract yourself, knowing a call could come at any time.
Then came the call, and that’s when it hits you. That’s the moment when everything you’ve been preparing for appears like a smack in the face... All that preparation over the last nine months is now what you’re relying on.
As the father your role well and truly starts here. You begin by loading the car, the bag, money for parking, the car seat and most importantly some food (because who wants hospital food, some hospitals don’t even cater for partners and you don’t know how long you’ll be there). Once that’s done it’s time to help your partner to the car and then begin the drive to the hospital. For us, the drive wasn’t as stressful as I can imagine it would be if your partner was in labour. Because we were due for an induction the risk of the baby coming early or arriving on the A12 was greatly reduced. Careful driving is still necessary because you don’t want to stress out your partner on the way and just make sure you have everything crossed that there will be a space once you arrive, because I’m sure everyone is aware hospital car parks are usually rammed.
Once you make it to hospital it’s time to become the pack horse and grab everything in the car. If your partner wants to carry something make sure it’s something small, because honestly once you get inside the hospital it’s not worth seeing people’s faces if you’ve let you partner carry anything to heavy on the way, everyone knows what a pregnant woman and a load of bags means.
Once in the hospital that’s when your role changes completely from protection from to support. No matter what you think, the professionals know a lot more and are crucial when it comes to reassuring your partner that everything is ok. The one thing that you will be able to do that the professionals won’t is be able to, is read your partner and have know when they need something. That is when you need to be there most. If they want food, a drink or help getting up, just be there and do it, because at the end of this your partner is birthing a baby and nothing you do will equate to what they go through.
As for the induction itself, I believe my partner is going to discuss further with you in a later post, but as the father there is not much that directly affects you. Yes it speeds the whole process up and increases the signs of labour with the occasional contraction but it doesn’t really pose a problem in terms of your emotions.
Then eventually it hits... labour. This is when everything changes. From the time you started the induction it had all been a waiting game. Whether it was at home, on the way and even during the induction itself. From this moment on, it is no longer a waiting game. It is now a case of how long until your baby is finally here! Labour can last varying times, from a very short time to in some cases over 24 hours. This is where I was extremely grateful in a way that ours was pretty short mostly for the comfort of my partner. The only thing I would have wanted to have changed was how it happened.
As you will have known from my partners birthing story, labour was difficult for us, and whilst it is the Mum who is going through the physical act of labour there is one bit of advice I would give to awaiting dads. ANTENATAL CLASSES WILL NOT PREPARE YOU. NOTHING WILL.
I thought I was all prepared for labour, but whether it’s seeing your partner in extreme pain or just the emotion itself taking over you, nothing you do will prepare you for it. I remember the whole thing and it will be something that will be ingrained in my memory for the rest of my life. The emergency button, the rushing in of a range of doctors and hospital staff, the fluctuating baby heart rate, the fluctuating blood pressure of my partner and the birthing itself.
The emergency button was the point that made me start to worry about if everything was going to be okay or not. In antenatal classes they tell you that when an emergency button is pressed then not to worry. You should expect a load of random people to come into the room but that is just a precaution, as it gives more knowledge and expertise for whatever is happening. From personal experience that is not how you feel. The main reason I think it affects you is the fact it’s called an “emergency” button. That implies immediate assistance is required. A state of emergency implies trouble. So from that moment I was panicked, but the most important thing to remember as the father is that you can’t let your partner see that you are anxious and you just have to support them.
Then comes the professionals and that’s when you find out what the problem is. For us, it was the babies heart rate fluctuating from 77bpm to 177bpm in the space of two or three minutes. Whether it was a technical fault or not, I was fearful. At this moment the thought went through my mind what if they don’t make it? That’s a thought I never thought I’d have and would never want anyone to experience. Then the thought got worse. At that point, my partners blood pressure started to fluctuate and in that moment I was fearing losing them both. More out of not knowing what was happening and not knowing what it meant.
That was when the lead doctor said that my partner had to deliver right now. I remember it fully, but I would rather not go into detail. All I will say is there were cuts, wires, a ventouse and 5 doctors/ nurses/ midwifes in the room. I will admit, I almost passed out twice, but managed to calm myself down enough and always maintained contact of my partners hand. After the second close shave, i looked down and that’s when I saw her, at 3:03 she was born. She came out at such a speed, hit the doctors hand and landed on my partners belly. It was surreal, she looked fake. She didn’t make a noise, didn’t move and was whisked away by the doctor for checks.
I looked over to make sure she was responding and to my relief I saw her move, so I knew it was all okay. Well with the baby anyway. I didn’t want to go over though because I knew my partner needed me still. She was still in pain and had to be checked herself to make sure she was okay. This is when your mind is torn. Partner or baby. It’s a balancing act. I went over to see my daughter and reached out my finger to her hand. It was an amazing feeling and one that will stay with me forever.
Once everything was cleared and the doctors were happy, we were moved to postnatal. That’s when it all became real. The crying babies around us, the checks and talks from the midwives. The feeling that you are responsible for this new human. That’s where it all begins. A new challenge but one that will bring so many challenges but also so many happy memories. Yes reality hits and it can be scary, but it would not ruin the day and nothing ever will. The 14th August 2017 will forever be engrained in my memory.
Join me next week as I discuss those first hours with your new-born and coming home! How did you find labour and birth as a father?