Breastfeeding. It’s natural, Your body is designed to do this! So that means it’s easy right?! It should be as simple as holding your baby in the right place? Wrong. Breastfeeding is hard and brings many challenges!
From day one of my pregnancy I had planned on breastfeeding Aria. It was the cheaper option for sure and the best for my baby! I had read all of the various positions and information on it, often hearing stories about how hard and challenging breastfeeding can be. But in my naivety I thought surely it can’t be hard! It’s natural. Your body is made for this purpose! Oh how wrong I was!
Once Aria was born, the hospital staff showed me a few tips and tricks on how to breastfeed. Aria seemed to be struggling a bit to latch on, but they assured me she would get used to it. However, once we got home after a stay in the hospital, I was noticing that Aria was getting hungrier and hungrier. Looking back this may just have been cluster feeding, but at the time I was convinced she wasn’t getting enough food. Every time we attempted breastfeeding she would become stressed, turning away unable to latch on. Frustrated I asked my health visitor for advice. After a few sessions and no progress she suggested using nipple shields to aid Aria’s latch. This worked for a while but she still struggled terribly and would often end up more frustrated and hungry than when she began. In addition to this, I never really warmed to breastfeeding, it felt weird, I didn’t feel comfortable doing it around anyone other than my partner and it was stressing me out, ruining my whole newborn experience. This is when I realised it just wasn’t going to work for us. Not wanting to give up on giving Aria breast milk, I decided the next best thing would be exclusively expressing.
After quickly realising that manual pumps are a waste of time when it comes to exclusively pumping, I invested in an electronic single pump. Despite being loud, it worked well at proving Aria with the breast milk she needed minus the stress! However, even at pumping every 3 hours, I was only just making enough for every other of Aria’s feeds. This is when I started to introduce formula to supplement the lack of milk I could provide her. Another added bonus of bottle feeding was that Rory could also feed Aria, meaning he would cover the night feeds whilst I expressed and made sure she had enough for her next feed. But again the expressing posed problems, I would go out to visit family and not feel comfortable doing it or go out shopping and come home with my chest feeling like boulders. Despite these issues, I carried on managing to express enough to feed Aria 70% breast milk and 30% formula. Whilst I felt guilty that I couldn’t exclusively feed her breast milk, I knew she was at least getting some and that’s all that mattered.
The frequent health visitor visits certainly didn’t help my guilt. They constantly tried to ‘fix’ me and Aria’s breastfeeding issues, and made me feel inadequate just because I was happier expressing and topping up with formula rather than face a stressful battle breastfeeding. Luckily, Rory and family were very supportive and told me that other people’s opinions didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Aria was fed and happy.
I was content with my combination feeding, and then the worst possible thing happened. Mastitis. I hadn’t felt right for days, I was rapidly developing a red mark on one side of my chest and my milk supply dropped rapidly. After a visit to the Drs, they confirmed this was indeed the case and that the antibiotics would help, I could also continue to express and feed. However, I quickly realised that this would be the end of me and Aria’s breastfeeding journey. My supply was dropping by the day, and within a few days I couldn’t even collect enough over several sessions for one feed. I felt heartbroken. I had worked so hard on building up my supply and was finally in a position where I could nearly exclusively feed her myself, and then it was ripped from me. Within a week my supply had dried up and I was left with one option, formula feeding.
For those mums who chose to formula feed from day one that’s great and you’re feeding your baby how you see fit! I have absolutely nothing against formula feeding, especially when it works so well for some families. But I had worked so hard at being able to feed Aria myself that I took having to formula feed really hard. Those who have also been through weaning will know that stopping breastfeeding isn’t easy either. Before your supply completely dries up, you feel like your chest is on fire and like you are carrying around a couple of boulders strapped to your chest. But my baby was still being fed and was thriving, and that’s all that mattered.
Once we had settled onto a chosen formula, Aptamil Comfort worked best to combat Arias colic and constipation, I quickly embraced the benefits of bottle feeding. I will cover the confusing world of formula in another article, needless to say it’s a minefield. Luckily, Aria was happy to have her formula cold, meaning we could feed on the go and not worry about heating her bottles. It was also a lot easier in respects of going out and seeing family. I didn’t feel self conscious, I wasn’t constantly worrying when I was next going to be able to express and Aria loved being fed by both me and Rory. Everyone was happy! Yes it was more expensive, and not my original plan, but it was working for us and Aria was growing well.
This whole journey made me realise just how much pressure there is on mums to breastfeed. So many are frowned upon for wanting to feed formula and express. But the reality is, breastfeeding is hard! Really hard! It’s not for everyone! And thankfully, in this modern age we have a choice! Yes breast is best. But not for everyone. No matter what your feeding preference you should never ever be made to feel guilty. As long as your baby is fed and happy that’s all that matters! This is a time for you to enjoy your baby! Not spend months in guilt, doing something that doesn’t make you happy. So whether you’re an expectant mother or just starting your motherhood journey with your newborn, do what suits you! And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your decision. I will certainly be trying to exclusively feed my second baby through expressing come July, but I also won’t kick myself if it doesn’t work out. What will be will be! Being a mother is an amazing job, and your baby loves you whether you breastfeed or formula feed!
For all those mums out there still breastfeeding their babies, I admire you! Always remember fed is best!